The most beautiful response to public crying came one day when I was about three days into an horrific break up. I was crying for more than the relationship, the person I had really lost was myself, and I just couldn’t stop.
I’d been staying with my bestie and she cajoled me out of the house to sit on the beach while she and her family went to a market.
I was crying, still crying, truly not caring who saw.
Two teenage girls walked past and asked if I was okay. I nodded, barely able to speak, and they gave me a sympathetic look.
About twenty minutes later they walked by me again, and handed me a small posy of hand-picked flowers. ‘I hope things get better,’ one of them said.
I’m crying as I recall this, this beautiful moment of being witnessed and held and not asked to change to make them feel comfortable. The small gesture, the words of hope.
In that moment I felt less alone, and I feel it now too.
When my dad died, I got the call at my work. The walk to my car took what seemed like years. I fell to the ground in shock and a very nice man on the sidewalk asked if I needed help. I have no idea if I said anything back, but I appreciate his generosity and humanity.
Thank you for sharing this, Esmé. Yesterday I took my son for his updated COVID shot. He was so anxious about it at home that he cried himself into vomiting. He calmed down once we got in the car.
But when we arrived at the pharmacy, he started crying again. We had to carry him (he's 7 and almost 4 feet tall) back to the vaccination area, hold him still, and work to keep him from pulling his sleeve down. The whole time, he was sobbing.
People stared at us. I thought about saying something to him, something about making a scene or something. I decided against it. I knew it wouldn't help because he wouldn't care about strangers judging him.
After reading this, I'm a little proud of myself for turning away from the default parental position.
Oh my goodness. I’m so moved by this story. I love that you allowed your son to express his feelings openly, and that he was able to feel his feelings and cry, without being told it was wrong. I’m not a parent, but I admire parents so much for all of the decisions they have to make every single day, and I think that your decision in this anecdote is one that I will think about for a long time.
As someone who never let anyone see her cry for years, I'm moved by this post. In recent years, with loss and the grief that comes with it, I've had to become more comfortable with crying at the drop of a hat, even if it is inconveniently in front of other people. What I've found is far less humiliation and far more compassion than I expected. When my mom told my four-month-old daughter she needs to stop crying so loudly, it rankled. I told my mother never to say that to her again, and later whispered to my daughter that she could cry as much and as loudly as she needs to, and I will be there to listen and hold her.
Oh my gosh. So much love to you for being so kind to your daughter about her crying. Parenting seems so hard--you have to make so many decisions all the time--and that one truly moves me.
The last time I cried I was listening to Julia Whelan read the final chapters of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab. I was folding laundry or making dinner or doing some other mindless task and all of the sudden I thought, "Oh, how lovely that I'm going to cry." It wasn't a good exhausting cry that feels like ringing out a wet rag, but the few tears I did shed imprinted the story on my heart forever.
This is so beautiful. It brought up some memories I haven’t thought about since they happened many years ago: When I was in my teens and early twenties and suffering from depression and anxiety I didn’t have words for and didn’t understand, I would often cry HARD just before having to go somewhere with people. And the desperation, looking in the car mirror and trying to smooth the red and swelling out of my face, begging my mom or my boyfriend to assure me that no one could tell I had been crying. Because that was apparently the worst possible result, that someone would know how bad I was feeling.
I don't cry much now. Medication I think helps to prevent the overwhelm. But when I was menopausal I could do Olympic level crying. All the time. You think you cry pre-menstrually? Just wait a bit!
This was beautiful, and resonates in ways for me. I cry often, and for various reasons I was often shamed for my big feelings. I am far less interested in hiding at this point in my life, but I still do not really understand the social media crying thing.
Thanks for your kind words about Beyond, Esmé! They mean so much! And I LOVE this interview with you. One of my all time favorites!! Thank you for speaking with me with such honesty, humor, insight, and kindness. xx
Wow, great post. I actually remember the first time I cried in public as an adult. I said goodbye to someone at an airport and then realised that I really really didn't want them to go. I cried for hours on the bus back to the university. The sorrows of young love.
I feel like young love is one of those things that excavates the Big Feelings. Everything is so big when you’re young; it’s overwhelming. Thank you for reading, and for sharing your story.
Once I went on holiday, alone, to stay with someone I didn’t know all that well. I am not a crier, by nature, I always stopped myself as a child, sob, but on Day one I started crying, in the streets, outside cafes, doubled over cars. It was shockingly embarrassing. I went back to my home and split with my partner. Had no clue that was coming at the start of the holiday, but I cried myself out and kept going. To some really dodgy scary places until I found somewhere safe.
The most beautiful response to public crying came one day when I was about three days into an horrific break up. I was crying for more than the relationship, the person I had really lost was myself, and I just couldn’t stop.
I’d been staying with my bestie and she cajoled me out of the house to sit on the beach while she and her family went to a market.
I was crying, still crying, truly not caring who saw.
Two teenage girls walked past and asked if I was okay. I nodded, barely able to speak, and they gave me a sympathetic look.
About twenty minutes later they walked by me again, and handed me a small posy of hand-picked flowers. ‘I hope things get better,’ one of them said.
I’m crying as I recall this, this beautiful moment of being witnessed and held and not asked to change to make them feel comfortable. The small gesture, the words of hope.
In that moment I felt less alone, and I feel it now too.
Thank you for the reminder. ❤️
I love this comment. I’m so sorry that you were in so much pain, but I love that people responded to you with such kindness.
When was the last time you cried?
When my dad died, I got the call at my work. The walk to my car took what seemed like years. I fell to the ground in shock and a very nice man on the sidewalk asked if I needed help. I have no idea if I said anything back, but I appreciate his generosity and humanity.
Sometimes, people surprise us in the best of ways.
You are correct about NYC. People ignore your crying.
And I don't understand the social media crying phenomenon at all.
It exists, right? I’ve been so baffled by it.
Thank you for sharing this, Esmé. Yesterday I took my son for his updated COVID shot. He was so anxious about it at home that he cried himself into vomiting. He calmed down once we got in the car.
But when we arrived at the pharmacy, he started crying again. We had to carry him (he's 7 and almost 4 feet tall) back to the vaccination area, hold him still, and work to keep him from pulling his sleeve down. The whole time, he was sobbing.
People stared at us. I thought about saying something to him, something about making a scene or something. I decided against it. I knew it wouldn't help because he wouldn't care about strangers judging him.
After reading this, I'm a little proud of myself for turning away from the default parental position.
Oh my goodness. I’m so moved by this story. I love that you allowed your son to express his feelings openly, and that he was able to feel his feelings and cry, without being told it was wrong. I’m not a parent, but I admire parents so much for all of the decisions they have to make every single day, and I think that your decision in this anecdote is one that I will think about for a long time.
I'm also proud that he wouldn't care what strangers thought.
As someone who never let anyone see her cry for years, I'm moved by this post. In recent years, with loss and the grief that comes with it, I've had to become more comfortable with crying at the drop of a hat, even if it is inconveniently in front of other people. What I've found is far less humiliation and far more compassion than I expected. When my mom told my four-month-old daughter she needs to stop crying so loudly, it rankled. I told my mother never to say that to her again, and later whispered to my daughter that she could cry as much and as loudly as she needs to, and I will be there to listen and hold her.
Oh my gosh. So much love to you for being so kind to your daughter about her crying. Parenting seems so hard--you have to make so many decisions all the time--and that one truly moves me.
The last time I cried I was listening to Julia Whelan read the final chapters of The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by V.E. Schwab. I was folding laundry or making dinner or doing some other mindless task and all of the sudden I thought, "Oh, how lovely that I'm going to cry." It wasn't a good exhausting cry that feels like ringing out a wet rag, but the few tears I did shed imprinted the story on my heart forever.
This is so beautiful. It brought up some memories I haven’t thought about since they happened many years ago: When I was in my teens and early twenties and suffering from depression and anxiety I didn’t have words for and didn’t understand, I would often cry HARD just before having to go somewhere with people. And the desperation, looking in the car mirror and trying to smooth the red and swelling out of my face, begging my mom or my boyfriend to assure me that no one could tell I had been crying. Because that was apparently the worst possible result, that someone would know how bad I was feeling.
I don't cry much now. Medication I think helps to prevent the overwhelm. But when I was menopausal I could do Olympic level crying. All the time. You think you cry pre-menstrually? Just wait a bit!
This was beautiful, and resonates in ways for me. I cry often, and for various reasons I was often shamed for my big feelings. I am far less interested in hiding at this point in my life, but I still do not really understand the social media crying thing.
Thanks for your kind words about Beyond, Esmé! They mean so much! And I LOVE this interview with you. One of my all time favorites!! Thank you for speaking with me with such honesty, humor, insight, and kindness. xx
It was so fun—I really loved it. Thank you.
Wow, great post. I actually remember the first time I cried in public as an adult. I said goodbye to someone at an airport and then realised that I really really didn't want them to go. I cried for hours on the bus back to the university. The sorrows of young love.
I feel like young love is one of those things that excavates the Big Feelings. Everything is so big when you’re young; it’s overwhelming. Thank you for reading, and for sharing your story.
Once I went on holiday, alone, to stay with someone I didn’t know all that well. I am not a crier, by nature, I always stopped myself as a child, sob, but on Day one I started crying, in the streets, outside cafes, doubled over cars. It was shockingly embarrassing. I went back to my home and split with my partner. Had no clue that was coming at the start of the holiday, but I cried myself out and kept going. To some really dodgy scary places until I found somewhere safe.