The Unexpected Shape with Esmé Weijun Wang is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. I started working for myself in 2014, one year after it became clear that I was no longer capable of working at a standard 9-5 job. Despite my academic accomplishments, including a 3.99 GPA upon graduating from Stanford, in addition to other examples of so-called
Oh, I feel this viscerally. I'm down here in the trenches, too. Burned out and trying, unable to go get a "real" job, but doing my best to make it work. Sending you all my love and support 💜
Sending big hugs but also so much nodding along. I experienced the massive whiplash of income that was 2020/21 to 2022/2023 and have watched so many business classes, too. We could swap notes, but that would take more of our energy, wouldn't it? I don't have answers over here either, but I can say that what you're doing is great and I hope we can all find a way to keep this going. The work isn't the problem. Making enough money to survive in a world that doesn't value people who can't hack the traditional work structures is. I'd say "their loss" but it's our loss even more.
I'm thinking of getting together a little group of us to commiserate and maybe brainstorm aboiut what we can do during this rough time. "The work isn't the problem" is what I'll be hanging on to for dear life. x
Oh Esme, I'm sure this was not easy to share and I'm so glad you did. Your words mean so much to me and I know to so many others. I felt this in my soul, having just had to leave a job I loved recently because my health also didn't allow me to stay. Thinking of you.
Thank you so much, Tiffany. That means a lot to me—I think of you very highly, and I'm sorry you had to leave your job. Bodies and brains... they are a tiring accoutrement for the soul.
Burn out is excruciating. I’m on the journey right now due to a diagnosis that is yet to come— but confronting my body’s limitations and realising I cannot adhere to a traditional 9-5 schedule is isolating in its own ways.
For the record: I do very much want to learn from you, but with the ways my body is going thru it, I just don’t have the energy or capacity. I’m hoping it aligns someday because your work has been crucial to my understanding of my body and its limitations.
I don't have much in the way of finances at the moment, but I can share that reading your writing and your thoughts from awhile back (I think pre-substack, since I just found you on here and subbed) has given me the hope that I can continue to grow in my creative endeavors while having struggled/struggling with my own mental health problems over the years. Thank you so much for that, and hopefully I'll be able to contribute soon in the future ❤️
Also: I see in your office photo that you have a BeYou chair. I ordered mine in 2020 and was not expecting the hilarious/harrowing/expensive kickstarter saga that ensued. If you have any office chair thoughts I would love to hear them.
I'm laughing because OH MY GOD THE BEYOU CHAIR SAGA WAS SO EPIC. I just wanted my freakin' chair!!!!!! And when it finally arrived, I was shocked that it... existed. And I can sit in it. I do love it, but it took FOREVER.
Thank you for your candor in sharing this. I think people don’t have a clue how volatile doing business in the online consulting/teaching space is. I am so thankful that when my income nearly quadrupled in 2020 I met with a financial planner and she suggested I put most of the additional income in savings and retirement funds. I hired a housekeeper and a nanny but otherwise kept my standard of living the same. So, when the downswing back to my pre-pandemic income level came and I needed to take some time off for health reasons, I was able to not go into debt. Since then the state passed a universal preschool measure, so no more childcare expenses, and my house is not a clean as I’d like but liveable 😉.
Oh, I feel this viscerally. I'm down here in the trenches, too. Burned out and trying, unable to go get a "real" job, but doing my best to make it work. Sending you all my love and support 💜
Sending you my love and support as well. It's so tough out there. ❤️
I experienced a decade and a half of not being able to work due to serious mental illness and just wanted to tell you I care.
Thank you so much. It’s so hard, isn’t it? And I consider myself so lucky in so many ways. I’m just feeling down in the mouth these days.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers…and yes…incredibly hard!
As always, Esmé you've nailed it.
Sending big hugs but also so much nodding along. I experienced the massive whiplash of income that was 2020/21 to 2022/2023 and have watched so many business classes, too. We could swap notes, but that would take more of our energy, wouldn't it? I don't have answers over here either, but I can say that what you're doing is great and I hope we can all find a way to keep this going. The work isn't the problem. Making enough money to survive in a world that doesn't value people who can't hack the traditional work structures is. I'd say "their loss" but it's our loss even more.
Thank you for taking the risk and sharing this.
I'm thinking of getting together a little group of us to commiserate and maybe brainstorm aboiut what we can do during this rough time. "The work isn't the problem" is what I'll be hanging on to for dear life. x
It so isn’t the problem. I’m very curious about the commiserate / brainstorm group… let’s chat further, if you want?
I am so glad you pressed publish. That must have been hard for you to do.
It was, and thank you so much for your kindness.
Oh Esme, I'm sure this was not easy to share and I'm so glad you did. Your words mean so much to me and I know to so many others. I felt this in my soul, having just had to leave a job I loved recently because my health also didn't allow me to stay. Thinking of you.
Thank you so much, Tiffany. That means a lot to me—I think of you very highly, and I'm sorry you had to leave your job. Bodies and brains... they are a tiring accoutrement for the soul.
Burn out is excruciating. I’m on the journey right now due to a diagnosis that is yet to come— but confronting my body’s limitations and realising I cannot adhere to a traditional 9-5 schedule is isolating in its own ways.
For the record: I do very much want to learn from you, but with the ways my body is going thru it, I just don’t have the energy or capacity. I’m hoping it aligns someday because your work has been crucial to my understanding of my body and its limitations.
I totally understand, and I wish you the absolute best of luck in finding a diagnosis, which I know can be such a lengthy and painful process.
Oh Esme I felt this. Life is so hard sometimes. And you are magnificent! 💗
Thank you so much. Life IS so hard sometimes. And it can also be so beautiful.
I don't have much in the way of finances at the moment, but I can share that reading your writing and your thoughts from awhile back (I think pre-substack, since I just found you on here and subbed) has given me the hope that I can continue to grow in my creative endeavors while having struggled/struggling with my own mental health problems over the years. Thank you so much for that, and hopefully I'll be able to contribute soon in the future ❤️
I'm excited for your future endeavors. We're all just trying our best, and it can be a littlie harder for some than others.
Thanks, Esmé 😊. We really are, and what else is there to do but give it all a real good try ❤️
Sending love & also admiration for your guts & for your fine work which the world needs.
Oh gosh, thank you so much, Satya, ❤️
Thank you for pressing publish 💖
Also: I see in your office photo that you have a BeYou chair. I ordered mine in 2020 and was not expecting the hilarious/harrowing/expensive kickstarter saga that ensued. If you have any office chair thoughts I would love to hear them.
I'm laughing because OH MY GOD THE BEYOU CHAIR SAGA WAS SO EPIC. I just wanted my freakin' chair!!!!!! And when it finally arrived, I was shocked that it... existed. And I can sit in it. I do love it, but it took FOREVER.
Am sure you would sail your way through Esme ❤️
Thank you, Parul. ❤️
I have nothing else to say except... Beautiful. I felt this deeply.
Thank you for your candor in sharing this. I think people don’t have a clue how volatile doing business in the online consulting/teaching space is. I am so thankful that when my income nearly quadrupled in 2020 I met with a financial planner and she suggested I put most of the additional income in savings and retirement funds. I hired a housekeeper and a nanny but otherwise kept my standard of living the same. So, when the downswing back to my pre-pandemic income level came and I needed to take some time off for health reasons, I was able to not go into debt. Since then the state passed a universal preschool measure, so no more childcare expenses, and my house is not a clean as I’d like but liveable 😉.